We tell our clients this:
Identify 5 ways someone could help you- examples, hold baby while I clean, OR clean while I hold my baby; food prep, watch baby while I shower and nap, etc.
Every person is different. You are a unique individual. Maybe you'd prefer to clean so its done the way you like it, and that helps you feel less anxious. OR maybe the idea of someone else holding your baby makes you feel rage. That is also completely normal.
Identify 5 people who could help you; come up with a list of names of the people you know are going to say "Let me know if I can do anything". This can be your mom, your mother in law, your best friend, your sister, your doula, a neighbor. How they qualify is you need to be comfortable with them in your home, helping, and you may be topless at times. Trust and Knowing is big here.
Tell those 5 people they are on your HELPER list, and share with them your ways you think you could use help, that you already identified in step one. Blame a blog post you read If you feel uncomfortable laying it out like this, but I promise it is 10x easier to ask for help when you've already lined it up. Those people, now that they have been primed to help, will be eager to step up and excited that you chose them.
We all know those texts will roll in "let me know if you need anything". This process is setting you up for success beyond that. You will come out being able to ask for what you need when people offer help. Those people LOVE that. They don't have the energy to come up with an idea an suggest it. People are busy. But if you suggest "hey can you grab us dinner on either Thursday or Saturday, from Subway, here are our orders. That would be super helpful" - it will be done, and everyone will feel really good about it.
Identify 5 things that make you feel like you, things that feed your soul. Make sure you continue you doing them, especially on your darkest days. Your partner can reference this list if you are struggling, and suggest "Why don't you download a podcast and head out for a walk"... because sometimes when you're overtired, and emotional, you forget you ever liked anything. That's normal, and ok. But we can have a plan to put in to place when things feel extra hard.
Carve out time for you, and for your partner. This "me time" for everyone is very important. We follow someone on instagram who made sure they both had an hour to themselves every day. We asked our audience and most people said that would be AMAZING. Set it as a goal, you can make it even smaller like 30 minutes. But it has to be uninterrupted, no questions asked.
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