Build yourself a birth fortress.
As we do this work longer and longer, we are constantly learning. The thing we keep coming back to lately is how much work goes into preparing you for a positive birth experience. Often people hire a doula and take a prenatal class and consider that prepared, but it's not enough!
There are no guarantees in this world, this life. If we could guarantee outcomes we would be millionaires. I wish we could wrap all of your birth desires up with a bow and make every thing happen EXACTLY how you want it, but unfortunately we don’t have that kind of power.
What we have learned though, is that the more you pour into your birth, the more you deep dive into how you want birth to feel; the more positive reflections you will have about the journey, and the less likely trauma will occur.
I like to compare it to building a home, but actually, a fortress. With a fucking moat and everything.
Picture this… the foundation. Strong, solid. That is your beliefs, your values. The things you know, and desire for your birth.
Then as you build the walls, brick by brick, you are making choices to strengthen those values. The prenatal class you choose, the books you read. Those are bricks.
The podcasts you listen to, the instagram accounts you follow, more bricks.
Piece by piece you build your birth fortress.
Maybe you hire a doula, ya, they are the guards. Standing at the bridge. Watching. Keeping you awake, alert to possible intruders like bad birth stories, bad information, or non evidence based advice. We can’t protect you from everything, but we do our best. Providing Education, and Support.
You need to be in your fortress, safe, protected, trusting. Letting oxytocin flow. There are twinkle lights in there, music, your partner or someone you feel safe with.
But the most important part here. The fortress is a metaphor for your mindset. Your mindset needs to be unbreakable. You need to know so deeply the POWER you have. You are in charge. Of every choice that is presented to you. Of every hand that is put inside of you.
You are the boss. This isn’t the time to please others. This isn’t the time to be polite. This is a time of being an unshakable, confident, person about to have a transformative experience.
You are not a patient, you are not sick. You don’t need to be saved or rescued from birth.
You have the right to informed consent, kindness, and respect for the choices you make.
So build your fortress. Lay your values, beliefs, and desires brick by brick. Pile on your education, and your intuition. Surround yourself with a team you deeply trust, that know your wishes and can be the hard back you need them to be if your choices are being washed aside or bullied away.